Speaking German in Switzerland: A Plot Twist I Didn’t See Coming

When I was 19, I moved to Germany to learn the language. And while my grammar wasn’t perfect (looking at you, der/die/das), I could handle daily life just fine – ordering food, making small talk, and understanding some conversations. I was confident.

Then I moved to Switzerland. And that confidence? Absolutely obliterated.

Of course, I knew they spoke a dialect. My German teacher had warned me. But I figured, hey, I already speak Hochdeutsch – how bad could it be? Well, turns out Swiss German isn’t just one dialect; it’s an entire family of ever-changing, vowel-bending, throat-heavy linguistic chaos. What’s spoken in Zurich is different from Bern, which is different from Basel, which is a completely different beast from Walliserdeutsch.

A Lose-Lose Situation?

At this point, I sometimes feel like I can’t win no matter what I do.

•  Some Swiss Germans ask me to speak English because Hochdeutsch feels unnatural to them.
• Others go quiet when they realize I prefer English, like the conversation suddenly lost its appeal.
• And once, someone told me they hate when people try to learn Swiss German because it sounds wrong.

So… what am I supposed to do? Stick to Hochdeutsch, switch to English, or attempt Swiss German and risk making ears bleed? It feels like a linguistic minefield.

But, for the sake of science (and social survival), I decided to attempt Swiss German anyway.

Step 1: The Research

Why Is Swiss German So Different?

To understand why my German skills were not enough, I did some research (a.k.a. Googling frantically while questioning my life choices):

1. Swiss German isn’t just an accent – it’s practically another language. Unlike Hochdeutsch, Swiss German hasn’t been standardized, so it’s spoken, not written, and varies wildly across regions.
2. There’s no official grammar. Forget strict rules – each dialect has its own quirks.
3. They drop endings, add extra vowels, and just… ignore Hochdeutsch rules. A simple phrase like “I have eaten” in German (Ich habe gegessen) turns into “Ich ha ggässe.” The letter “k”? It’s now a strong throat-clearing sound. The word “ch” is everywhere, testing my lung capacity daily.
4. Some words are just… completely different. You think you know “cupboard” in German? Nope. In Swiss German, it’s Chuchichästli (good luck pronouncing that one). “Cheesecake”? That would be Chäschüechli. I have attempted to say both. I have failed miserably.
5. Learning a dialect won’t even save me. Even if I dedicated months to mastering Lucerne German, I’d still be lost in Bern. Or Basel. Or St. Gallen. I could maybe survive in one region, but the moment I step into Valais? Walliserdeutsch will humble me fast.

Step 2: Experiment

Can Speaking Swiss German Help Me Make Friends?

Since my Hochdeutsch was clearly not opening any Swiss social doors, I did what any reasonable expat would: attempt to speak Swiss German and hope for the best.

For this, I studied a (very small) list of phrases – things I’d actually use in my challenge to befriend Swiss Germans, not just touristy greetings.

And if you’re wondering what these actually sound like, the next video features my sweet Swiss Romand friend, Sarah, (who’s also half Swiss German!), pronouncing them correctly, so you don’t have to rely on my tragic attempts. 📹👇🏼

The Results?

I put my new skills to the test in different scenarios:

• At a bakery: Ordered in Swiss German. Got a nod of approval from the cashier. Encouraging!
• At a café: Tried to chat with the barista. She switched to English. Less encouraging.
• With Swiss German friends: They laughed. A lot. But in a nice way!

Final Score

Rated by My Swiss Mentor

Since I clearly can’t judge my own linguistic success, I turned to Sarah for an honest rating. Their feedback?

• Effort: 10/10 (“At least you tried.”)
• Pronunciation: 3/10 (“Maybe just… stick to Hochdeutsch?”)
• Overall Friend-Making Potential: 6/10 (“Not bad! But if you say ‘Hesch am Samschtig scho öppis los?’ with that accent again, I’m pretending I don’t know you.”)

Did Speaking Swiss German Help?

Kind of? While my Swiss German wasn’t perfect, people appreciated the effort. It didn’t magically unlock friendships, but it did make interactions a little friendlier. More smiles, less awkward silences. So while I may never sound Swiss, at least I can now sound like I’m trying.

Next Blog Teaser: “Too Sofía Vergara for Switzerland? The Emotional Gap Between Cultures”

So far I’ve learnt about unspoken social rules and even attempted Swiss German… but maybe the real issue is my vibe. Is being an expressive Latina too much for Swiss social norms? Or is that exactly what’s missing?

In the next blog, I dive into:

• What happens when telenovela energy meets Swiss neutrality
• Why some stereotypes actually hit a little too close to home
• And whether I can make Swiss friends by just being… me (dramatic hand gestures included)

Let’s find out if emotional openness can melt the famous Swiss reserve, or just make things awkward. (Again.)