Why you think self-development is bullshit and why you might be wrong

I know what you think: what even is “self-development”? You probably already heard the expression, or some other like “personal growth”, “self-help”… A little heads up: they all refer to the same thing, namely the art of improving as a person. Put like that, it sounds easy, right? In reality, we all know how hard it is.

Over the past decade, these terms have emerged and invaded our social media, TV shows and favorite magazines. It’s impossible to spend a day without coming across “5 top advice to feel confident”, or some Instagram caption about the power of self-care. And honestly, this is great. It’s positive, it’s empowering. Yes, it’s always nicer to read about your friend Jaclyn’s yoga retreat, than some terrorist attack on a Christmas market. However, too much of anything can make you sick. You only need a short look on Google Trends to understand that this topic generates a growing demand. And with demand comes… – you guessed it – supply. More, and more, and more inspiring content to read. Great, isn’t it? Probably not, if you’re reading this article.

I used to be like you. I used to think: “Self-development is bullshit. I’m too rational to fall for inspirational speeches of people I don’t even know”. And I was right about the second part. Up to this day, I still hate this type of content because it usually makes me feel worse about myself. But what I have realized is that self-development doesn’t have to (only) be inspirational. Be ready for this one, because it might come as a shocker: you can be rational and value self-development. Why? Because self-development is nothing more than psychology, and therefore, science – to a certain extent. There are theories and models you can refer yourself to. Finding out about them is how I got interested in the topic. You understood it by now: I am a very rational person. But being rational is the reason why I realized I needed self-development in the first place: because I cannot spend my existence enduring my character and emotions. I want to be the master of my personality, and I will.

The problem is, if you are going to study self-development from a more scientific perspective, you will need some free time to dive into the topic. If it doesn’t fascinate you as much as it fascinates me, you probably don’t want to do that. You want to get the key learnings, what to do with them and move on with your life. At least, this is what I have observed amongst my friends. Once I start talking about personality types, or giving them advice backed up by a certain theory, they get intrigued. Obviously, when you tell someone they can learn something about themselves, they are interested. Why? Because we are all self-centered, it’s in our human nature. But if I simply tell my friends: “I use this model, Google it”, they’ll never do it. They are not that interested or convinced by the topic to go “pull” information on their own. They are curious, so I have to feed them with precise, yet accessible information. That’s when they realize that self-development doesn’t have to be boring, inspirational or complicated. And so, they ask more questions. Only then, after I have introduced it properly, they might be ready to Google it.

So, this is what this blog is for. Talking to you, like if we were two friends having lunch together, and the topic of self-development somehow got on the table. I will show you that no matter what your personal issues are (yes you probably have issues, we all do), self-development can help you deal with them. Actually from now on, we will talk about self-knowledge, instead of self-development. Because that’s what this is all truly about. We all struggle with understanding ourselves, processing our feelings, leveraging the good and regulating the bad. But we don’t want to go to therapy for the rest of our lives. At least I don’t want that. Because I like doing things on my own, without relying on anyone else (feels relatable?). You can avoid it if you work correctly by yourself. But let’s be clear. I am not saying this blog replaces the help of a professional. It doesn’t, and if you have severe issues, I still recommend you to make an appointment. But if your issues are slighter, self-knowledge is probably going to give you the answers you need.

Knowing yourself is the key to self-care. Once you know everything about your personality, you become the master of your reactions. You control them. You cannot change who you are, but you can make the most out of it. And that’s the only self-development you’ll ever get to. That’s how you will get better at your (future) job, make the best life choices, become a good partner and a better friend. The key is not to become perfect, but perfect at being imperfect (do I sound like the spiritual gurus I hate yet?).

If you want to know more about why you – and so many others – hate the term “self-development”, I encourage you to check this New Yorker article, or this short opinion piece on Medium.

Now that you’re convinced (hopefully), you’re ready to follow me on this journey to rationally learn more about yourself. I will upload a new article every Tuesday. Follow me on LinkedIn to stay informed.

And until then, please share your opinion with me in the comments at the bottom of this page. Was I able to make you change your mind? Or do you still think self-knowledge (we don’t use the word self-development anymore, remember?) is bullshit?

Take care!